So, you’ve explored the identifications and amplifications of the mysterious Others in your dream.
But what about the familiar faces of friends and family? What might they be trying to signal to you?
Dreamwork Skill #5: It’s All You
One of the core precepts of dreamwork is this: everyone, everything, every object that shows up in a dream is an aspect of yourself.
It makes sense when you think about it: when our five senses are quiet, all the dream has to work with is your internal model of the world. There is no external data coming in; the dream crafts characters and settings from bits and pieces of your experience.
“We don’t see the world as it is. We see the world as we are.”
~Anais Nin, quoting the Talmud
This means that whomever you encounter in your dream—your partner, your parent, your friend—is a commentary on the aspect of you that relates to that person or, put more plainly, the attributes in you that behave/react as that person would.
These characters create a “compensatory narrative”, frequently showing us other ways we could approach the problem, other behaviors that we could try out, or storylines that compensate for what is missing in our current response to events.
For example, if I dream that I am quarreling with my friend Amanda, I could use dreamwork skill #2 to identify the behaviors and attributes of my dream-self (let’s say my dream-self is acting embarrassed, avoidant, and quiet) with the behaviors and attributes of my friend Amanda (let’s say that, in waking life, Amanda is a person with verve, presence, and outrageous brashness).
Now I might look at this dream, not as a sign that my friendship with Amanda is on the rocks, but as a signal that the part of me that likes to hide and fly under the radar is experiencing some friction with another part of me that wants to play big and be seen.
Dream Practicum
The Sisters
“A woman is in a boat with her sister. She is acting very warmly toward her sister and offering her some food. They feel really connected to each other.”
The dreamer who brought me this dream fragment was frustrated by the dream, assuming it meant that she should make peace with her sister, a woman she had only recently found the strength to set boundaries with.
As we explored this dream, the dreamer defined her sister as a person who represented antagonistic, alcoholic, and controlling qualities. She noticed that the boat, as a vehicle that passes safely over the water, signified a sense of safety for her, as well as a mode of conveying herself across difficult emotional terrain.
When she altered her view of the sister figure in her dream from that of a literal person to a representation of qualities of control and addiction, she stated the following:
“The way for me to proceed now is by making peace with the parts of me that are scared and want to run away from or avoid the hard parts of life. I need to nourish myself, listen to my fears and work with them, instead of cutting them off. That’s how I’ll get through the rough emotional waters of setting boundaries with my family without succumbing to addiction or over-control myself.”
this dream is shared with permission. Details have been altered to protect confidentiality.
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These skills build on each other—you may have noticed by now that you can use all of the dreamwork skills on a single dream to arrive at a more focused understanding of the information it has for you.
Keep a journal by your bed tonight and record your dream-impressions first thing upon waking. Allow yourself to practice all of the dreamwork skills so far—the emotional signature, tracking the dream-self, writing the narrative, observing Others, and decoding compensating characters. Play with allowing the techniques to inform and comment upon each other.
As always, I’d love to hear from you—comment below or email me at innerlightasheville@gmail.com with any insights or questions.
Tomorrow, we will take a deeper dive into the world of the unconscious as we explore symbols and universally recurring motifs.
If you would like to explore your dreams in person, join us for a daylong deep dive into dreamwork this September. Learn more below: