Rest, Play and Just Being: Essential Practice for Successfully Integrating Life’s BIG Changes and Challenges

By Julie King Murphy, NCC, LCMHCA

What? Not another crisis or change! Though periodically life may seem more or less routine, it’s also full of jarring twists and turns. Multiple major events will happen back-to-back or even simultaneously, and suddenly you are living the adage, “when it rains, it pours!” Life-altering experiences such as a significant injury or illness, financial hardships, the start or end of an important relationship or even a new phase of life will demand that we make adjustments, even if we didn’t feel recovered from the last major change. Sought-after experiences, too, can lead us to reconsider priorities, such as where we live, how we spend our time, who we regularly interact with, and even how we understand ourselves. All of these situations are times for the process I call integration, where one learns to adjust to a new experience, reflecting on the impact of this experience and how or whether other changes may be needed in perspective, beliefs, goals, or way of life to experience a greater sense of wholeness and joy.

Many of life’s challenges are manageable within the framework of our pre-existing supports and coping skills we have developed along the way. However, at other times, we may not feel capable of the tasks that life seems to be demanding or even know what to do next. Perhaps, our previous way of managing life’s challenges just isn’t working in this new situation, or an event may have shaken even our core beliefs or taken away something or someone we utterly relied on? The process of integration requires courage to face our new circumstances, self-awareness, self-compassion, and a focused commitment to take actions that will help us creatively manage a new experience of change, as well as the willingness to seek and accept help from others.

All of these tasks require energy—but the pace of our lives can be exhausting!

When we are exhausted, even small changes are unmanageable. Since life’s changes are so often unpredictable and simultaneous, we can’t save our play and rest time for the more routine periods of our life! Even during periods of intense change, we need to play and to rest as part of our conditioning for the integration process that we are in the midst of and for the next one—for another big change may be arriving today! Stilling ourselves or making time to laugh or get into the flow of something we love doing can be hard when we are going through something particularly painful or if we are habitually pushing ourselves to achieve or a fast pace is our only pace. Tired of trying so hard? If life has been challenging enough lately, perhaps you will use my support as a counselor and a coach through your current process of integration. You can also visit my studio and office as a place to still your soul for a while to practice the critical “nonwork” of being.

Rest, Play and Just Being

Whether you are in the midst of a demanding period of integrating change or you are engaged in life in a more routine way, taking time for rest and for play are essential practices to take care of yourself and experience who you are and life’s goodness! The creative process of life is not all work. Enjoying life means really experiencing it—often what you and those around you will really benefit from most is your relaxed and smiling self or the energy you gain from experiencing that smile or flow! Some moments in life are most productively spent just being yourself. Experience life by being immersed in it in a comfortable “at home” sort of way, and take a break sometimes even from the process of integrating life’s latest big change. Just be.

When we relax into being, we can revel in the wonders of life and restore ourselves for other more action-oriented tasks. Later, we can take that experience of just being who we really are and offer that true self more energetically into all experiences. We can observe in the natural world the lesson that while change is constant, some periods of rest and relative stillness or just swaying in the breeze are a part of the ongoing process of life. As we sense who we are, apart from the work that we do, we can feel in new ways the connection with others and with the natural world around us and in us.

When we practice times of “just being” balanced with other times of courageously taking a closer look at ourselves and our lives when the elements of our life are not seeming to fit together or when we have lost our way, we strengthen our capacity for experiencing wholeness and joy. We can feel more attuned to ourselves and know what brings us joy. We can remain in touch with that sense of wholeness and joy, in a way that I would describe as a wordless yet felt and lasting memory or an awareness of who we are and who we are becoming, even at times of great challenge or suffering. I have found this learning in my own life and in witnessing and hearing about the experiences of others.

It's worth noting that one may fear resting or “just being” because we know we may also feel pain or discomfort more at times when we are less busy. But awareness of our experience of suffering is an important part of understanding how we want to live and what changes we hope to make, as well as gathering the energy and motivation to do the work that may be required. But, again, resting doesn’t mean wallowing in discomfort or even sitting with our pain. As we slow toward a point of rest, we may become aware of pain, but as we practice resting –yes, for some, it may take practice and support to rest, we take a break from working and also we let go of our suffering for a time. Resting may take the form of being creative. Resting may be walking alone or with a friend or pet or laughing at a story or a memory. Resting may also be sitting still, practicing mindfulness. People rest in all sorts of ways! When we rest, play, create and share with others in ways that feel honest or authentic, then we open ourselves to feel wholeness and joy again. We strengthen ourselves for the inevitable work ahead!

I feel so much joy and wholeness when I support others in their processes of integration, creative play, and rest. If you need someone to sit with you while you get your own inner stuff out to take a look at it and decide what you will do with it, or if you want to play for a while in the delight of artmaking or practice meditation or just sitting in a comfy room or taking a walk outside, then contact me. I am happy to sit with you, walk with you, create with you, or provide other witnessing support, as you integrate your life’s new experiences, navigate the way you want your life to go, or practice the essential art of “just being.”